“Huxley and Orwell did not prophesy the same thing. Orwell warns that we will be overcome by an externally imposed oppression. But in Huxley’s vision, no Big Brother is required to deprive people of their autonomy, maturity and history. As he saw it, people will come to love their oppression, to adore the technologies that undo their capacities to think.”

and some 40 pages later…

“… As Richard Hofstadter reminds us, America was founded by intellectuals, a rare occurrence in the history of modern nations. “The Founding Fathers,” he writes, “were sages, scientists, men of broad cultivation, many of them apt in classical learning, who used their wide reading in history, politics, and law to solve the exigent problems of their time. A Society shaped by such men does not easily move in contrary directions. We might even say that America was founded by intellectuals, from which it has taken us two centuries and a communications revolution to recover.”

– Neil Postman, “Amusing Ourselves to Death” 1985

Granted, its one person’s opinion, but it makes me wonder how many ex-military personnel are in similar positions of authority today in the civilian world, and just how impossible its going to be for me to find work now?

Then I thought about school, and re-applying to UC Riverside (where I had been previously accepted this past January) only to find that all UC campuses are closed to new applications until Fall of 2010.

So I watched movies all day after that, District 9, Transformers 2, and G.I. Joe. Sadly, they were all pretty terrible, and while District 9 had hope early on with some creepy elements and great storytelling convention, it quickly took on a major overtone criticizing the military-industrial complex, which while being a very good message to get out, was simply not what I was expecting.

Its left me today wanting nothing more than to talk to somebody, but at the same time, I can’t talk to anyone, even when my uncle called, I couldn’t answer the phone, and now can’t bring myself to listen to his voicemail, why?

I know my immediate family resents me (just read my about me section on the front page, and its easy to understand why, hell I resent and hate myself), but surely my extended family is supportive, right?

Does it even matter if they are?

Their support still doesn’t change the fact that I’m a failure at everything I attempt.

And to end the day, apparently my request for dismissal from jury duty for Ventura County, Ca. has been denied, even though I’m no longer a resident of VC, and now live 75 miles away, in the far east end of Los Angeles County, Ca.

Makes me remember why lyrics like these speak so passionately to me (Eddie Vedder, “Society” from the into the wild soundtrack):

Oh it’s a mystery to me.

We have a greed, with which we have agreed…

and you think you have to want more than you need…

until you have it all, you won’t be free.

Society, you’re a crazy breed.

I hope you’re not lonely, without me.

When you want more than you have, you think you need…

and when you think more then you want, your thoughts begin to bleed.

I think I need to find a bigger place…

cause when you have more than you think, you need more space.

Society, you’re a crazy breed.

I hope you’re not lonely, without me.

Society, crazy indeed…

I hope you’re not lonely, without me.

There’s those thinkin’ more or less, less is more,

but if less is more, how you keepin’ score?

It means for every point you make, your level drops.

Kinda like you’re startin’ from the top…

and you can’t do that.

Society, you’re a crazy breed.

I hope you’re not lonely, without me.

Society, crazy indeed…

I hope you’re not lonely, without me

Society, have mercy on me.

I hope you’re not angry, if I disagree.

Society, crazy indeed.

I hope you’re not lonely…

without me.