Tag Archive for 'grief'

the ideas of the shipwrecked

Dad

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love? Measure in love

Seasons of love. Seasons of love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes!
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned,
Or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned,
Or the way that she died.

It’s time now to sing out,
Tho’ the story never ends
Let’s celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love!
Remember the love!
Seasons of love!

Oh you got to got to Remember the love! remember the love,
You Measure in love know that love is a gift from up above Seasons of love.
Share love, give love spread love Measure measure you life in love.

music and mindset

tonight i rediscovered the power of music.

i never would have thought myself capable of re-discovering such a forgotten mindset merely by listening to an old playlist, and yet it came with ease.

i think its time to finish something i started a while ago.

some old (ish) lyrics…

Damien Rice - Older Chests

Older chests reveal themselves
Like a crack in a wall
Starting small, and grow in time
And we (always) seem to need the help
Of someone else
To mend that shelf
(of) Too many books
Read me your favourite line

Papa went to other lands
And he found someone who understands
The ticking, and the western man’s need to cry
He came back the other day, yeah you know
Some things in life may change
And some things
They stay the same

Like time, there’s always time
On my mind
So pass me by, I’ll be fine
Just give me time

Older gents sit on the fence
With their cap in hand
Looking grand
They watch their city change
Children scream, or so it seems,
Louder than before
Out of doors, into stores with bigger names
Mama tried to wash their faces
But these kids they lost their graces
And daddy lost at the races too many times

She broke down the other day, yeah you know
Some things in life may change
But some things they stay the same

Like time, time, there’s always time
On my mind
So pass me by, I’ll be fine
Just give me time,
Time, there’s always time
On my mind
Pass me by, I’ll be fine
Just give me time

jillybean…

My Dad - Jill’s Blog

I am totally exhausted but I am so very proud of both of my brothers. They have really stepped up through all of this. I may have talked about my youngest brother, Michael, before. I’ve always had a hard time with him because he is so damn intelligent but I have often felt the he sabotages himself and doesn’t take advantage of his full potential. Maybe the reason he has floundered a bit until now is just so that he could still be at home and available to help my dad, and the rest of us, through this time. Knowing he is there with my dad and taking care of what needs to be done is a huge relief.

it would be nice if that were true… but i’ve “floundered” because that’s simply who i am.

the dynamics of a multi-sibling relationship cannot ever be truly understood by those involved in one. none of us can ever truly know what the other feels as a result of their “position” in the family line. maybe the eldest feels too much pressure from the responsibility of being a role-model for the younger. maybe the youngest feels most emotionally neglected. maybe the elder two both resent the youngest because of the material attention.

i don’t know. does it even matter?

we are who we are, from one moment to the next, until something major comes along to shake our foundations, then inevitably, we shift and sway a little, and regardless of how well we are put back together, we’re different, sometimes negatively sometimes positively, sometimes majorly, sometimes only slightly.

it all comes down to conviction, and community.

we change based on how strongly trying times shake our conviction, and in turn, that waning is minimized by how much support we receive from our community of family, friends, co-workers, etc.

so when one lacks any sort of strong convictions, and has an exceedingly small community to offer support, do they change in small steps, or large steps? do they have any underlying self that can weather the storm?

if, by chance, some part of them survives, and becomes the basis of their self, then where do they go? does their potential stay the same as before or is it too changed?

is anything constant?

deconstruction

people always say that grieving gets easier with time

ok, i’ll give it a shot

what do they mean by time? without a scale to measure by, “time” is meaningless. besides, is not time itself merely a scale by which to measure otherwise unquantifiable memories/event/moments?

i know that i’ve thus far given myself very little time to grieve, and yet i’ve already taken more time than both my brother and my sister whom seem to have been able to return to normal with ease.

unquestionably its fear that prevents me from going back to my normal life, yet i seem powerless to overcome it.