Posts tagged emo

just another day

Oct 13th

Posted by Michael in general

2 comments

I’ve been hav­ing a hard time pin­ning down exactly why today’s been a bad day.

It was an all around ok day, I found out that I qual­ify for unem­ploy­ment (and should start receiv­ing my ben­e­fits in a cou­ple weeks) and I do like the rain, though I sup­pose in a lot of ways I still feel trapped.

I think now that I believe (in part) that highly intel­li­gent peo­ple do in fact have a harder time in life, but I still don’t believe myself to be among those few highly intel­li­gent people.

I hon­estly believe that I’m sim­ply not talented.

I’m reminded (as always) of some­thing said by a truly intel­li­gent per­son, zefrank, in his episode of “the show” from Decem­ber 19, 2006:

the show with zefrank

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floundering

Oct 1st

Posted by Michael in general

1 comment

Accord­ing to the “New Oxford Amer­i­can Dic­tio­nary” which is included with mac OSX, floun­der is defined as:

floun­der 1 |ˈfloundər|verb [ intrans. ]strug­gle or stag­ger help­lessly or clum­sily in water or mud : he wasfloun­der­ing about in the shal­low off­shore waters.• fig­u­ra­tive strug­gle men­tally; show or feel great con­fu­sion : she floun­dered, not know­ing quite what to say.• fig­u­ra­tive be in seri­ous dif­fi­culty : many firms are floun­der­ing.

I sup­pose that’s an ade­quate def­i­n­i­tion for my life. I like to start things, and not fin­ish them. I gen­er­ally have no idea what I want to do with my life, and I have no remark­able tal­ents nor apti­tude for any­thing in particular.

I grew up poor, and some­how have a fond­ness of expen­sive goods/clothes/cars/etc., which I can never really afford, so then when­ever I have the oppor­tu­nity to buy some­thing nice, I wind up broke again.

I’ve spent the entirety of my adult life strug­gling to find my pro­fes­sional iden­tity, to deter­mine what it is that I’m sup­posed to do with my life, who I’m sup­posed to work for, what my job spe­cial­ity ought to be, and at 26 years old, I’ve thus far con­cluded that I don’t know any­thing about what I want to do with my life, nor what career/profession I should pursue.

Per­haps the only thing that I do know, is that the Navy is not right for me, but really, what good does that do me?

The psy­chol­o­gist that eval­u­ated my fit­ness for duty in the U.S. Navy told me that often, highly intel­li­gent peo­ple have a hard time find­ing their path in life, and while I’ve never con­sid­ered myself intel­li­gent, if this is true, why would any­one want to be intelligent?

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