Tag Archive for 'depression'

uncertainty

I’m beginning to seriously question whether philosophy (or even college in general) is the right course for me.

For some (seemingly) inexplicable reason, I cannot focus this semester, and where in the past I’ve done exceptionally well in school, this semester I’m floundering on even the simplest of assignments. I’m sure that part of my inability to focus this semester stems from my father’s death, but I don’t think that has a lot to do with it (though of course I could be wrong.)

I’m at a point where I have no idea what I want to do with my life (though sure I say law school sounds good, in actuality I’m not sure I’d make a good law student) and I find myself less and less interested in obscure, esoteric questions that hold little to no bearing on life (i.e. philosophy in general) but in the same regards, I have no real passion (nor proclivity or talent) towards the arts or sciences either.

Even more surprising to me, is that I’ve dealt with depression before, and this seems different to me in that I don’t feel necessarily hopeless (nor really hopeless at all save for the uncertainty regarding school), nor does this effect my ability to function physically or socially (I still go to the gym, go to work, interact with friends and family.)

Anyway, I just hope that an outside opinion can offer some insight into my situation, and maybe what direction to take.

continually connected disconnection?

I feel off.

All day, I felt off. All night too.

Do you ever feel that its exhausting to try and fit in where you currently are? Maybe its because you’ve changed, or your situation has changed, or the whole world has changed.

Maybe nothing’s changed.

But still, you feel as though something doesn’t fit anymore?

That’s me.

the numbers game…..

addendum to an earlier post, if indeed i have been alotted 0.001% or less as my total amount of happiness (on a 40 year minimum scale for comparison) than it means that i am only allowed 14.6 days of happiness in my life… and i’m probably close to the end of that already, so i better hope that i don’t live past 30 or so.

Worked out to the year on a 40 year scale, than i am only allowed 8.76 hours of happiness a year in order to be consistent.

Wow…. numbers are fun… they kind of make you want to fall asleep and never wake up at times.