life

I feel guilty for not blog­ging the past few days.

I also feel kind of strange that my pat­tern seems to be con­tin­u­ing, so far, of being totally right about peo­ple hav­ing the wrong frame of ref­er­ence for me, but also, about being very wrong in all my pre­dic­tions of how those peo­ple will react once they have the right frame of reference.

So now I’m start­ing to feel like I’m wait­ing for the other shoe to drop, again.

I just want to be able to move on with my life, I want to con­tinue to feel good about myself every­day, and I want the peo­ple I care about to know that I feel good about myself, and that maybe, my life will actu­ally turn out ok now

I also want a cam­era again, and I’m sure any­one who reads my blog is tired of me post­ing that, since real­is­ti­cally, nobody is going to spend $2k on cam­era and lens, just because I put it on an inter­net “wishlist.”

Still though, I really miss pho­tog­ra­phy, I don’t think I ever real­ized just how much I enjoyed it, until I sold my camera.

So I’ve been blog­ging a lot lately (as if peo­ple can’t tell merely from read­ing) and its made me real­ize that while I’m inten­tion­ally vague and obscure online, that I need a place to be open and hon­est, and for me, thats turned out to be writ­ing in a phys­i­cal jour­nal, by hand again.

And while this will only really mean any­thing to maybe two peo­ple, I bought a cheap(ish) foun­tain pen, and new jour­nal as a kind of blank slate/new begin­ning and also to be a reminder for myself to actu­ally write, be open and hon­est with myself, and keep mov­ing for­ward, and its work­ing already.

Any­way, in my search for this blank slate, I’ve been find­ing all sorts of pens, inks, and jour­nals that seem to have sparked a new inter­est in me, and I’ve added a cou­ple items to my wish­list, but really want a few “Can­teo” A5 sized ruled note­books, but alas, they’ve yet to find a U.S. dis­trib­uter, and the only North Amer­i­can sup­plier I can find is Nota-Bene in Canada, and with inter­na­tional ship­ping an A5 sized ruled Can­teo ends up cost­ing almost $40 usd, and is thus out of my price-range.

Shame­less plea over =)