I’m find­ing it a lot harder to express myself of late. I know this is at least partly because I’ve not been writ­ing as often, but by the same regard, I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I can’t write as often as I’d like any­more, at least not here at this blog.

As most peo­ple know by now, I’ve just been wast­ing away my last few months try­ing to ignore how use­less I am, by play­ing lord of the rings online, and yes, I’m still slightly mor­ti­fied with myself for play­ing an MMO.

Iron­i­cally though, this has turned out to be an amaz­ing dis­trac­tion, and my brother, sis­ter and sev­eral friends think my moods are gen­er­ally more nor­mal (read, I’m not as depress­ing a per­son to be around) because of it.

I’m sure the dis­trac­tion is a part of my mood change, but as with all aspects of life, there’s more going on than just my play­ing lotro, and  I just don’t feel that I’m really ready to talk about every­thing else yet, and cer­tainly not here.

I’m actu­ally think­ing of try­ing to find a ther­a­pist now, but I’m not really sure how to find one that will see me for free, and odds are it prob­a­bly wouldn’t be a good one.

I don’t know, maybe I’m still too afraid of how other peo­ple see me?

Iron­i­cally, ‘teenage exis­ten­tial dilemma’ was a great way for shorty to describe what I’m going through still, but not in the way he ever thought.