I sup­pose this is a mes­sage intended for every­one, and yet only one per­son at the same time, or per­haps more pre­cisely, that it will find some mean­ing with all, but most mean­ing with only one.

I’ve spent a while tonight read­ing about “the mir­a­cle of affir­ma­tion” and how cen­tral it is to find­ing true human hap­pi­ness and joy, and I’ve come to see that while I am likely not totally unaf­firmed, I am cer­tainly inad­e­quately affirmed.

But more than that, I think my fun­tional decline in life is tied to a con­tin­u­ally decreas­ing level of affir­ma­tion, which I’ve tried to com­pen­sate for through self-affirmation.

I also feel that my declin­ing affir­ma­tion level is aggra­vated by my being sur­rounded by so many peo­ple who are also inad­e­quately affirmed, or totally unaf­firmed, but are yet mate­ri­al­is­ti­cally suc­cess­ful in civil society.

I think my sib­lings fall into this cat­e­gory too, and as such, any attempt by them to help affirm me, is futile.

So how do I rec­on­cile all this and halt, and begin to reverse my recent declin­ing level of affirmation?

I have some ideas of course, but am per­haps too scared to attempt to act on them yet? Or per­haps I’m too scared of being let down again, by myself, or others?

Or per­haps I just don’t yet know for sure that I’m ready to attempt it?